hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
