She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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