I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Randomize
