before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
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