she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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