I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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