Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
