she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
