Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
