I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
