did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
