i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
