Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I just want nice things and good sex
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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