Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
