a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize