your parents love me but you hate me
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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