it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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