Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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