You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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