My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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