it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
You've changed since you got that strap on
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