if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Randomize
