i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
