I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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