There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize