I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Randomize
