Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
