I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize