Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
