Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So much Jack, so little girl.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
