I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
