just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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