So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
