Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
