I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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