Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
