We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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