so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
