He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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