She said her name was "party"
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
