yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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