she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
