guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Life is so much better after having sex.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
