is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
