i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
