Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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