And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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