i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
