he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
