so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
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