I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
