The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
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