you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
no you cant smoke seaweed
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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