I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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