happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
