dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
