The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Randomize