Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
