The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
