Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
