Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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