So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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