Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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