living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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