after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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